After my accident on Friday I finally felt like I was in good condition so I went to class for the first time since. For the first half of class I felt totally fine but nearing the later half I could start to feel pain in my lower back starting to increase but it was bearable. After class I met up with my friends to do an assignment and that’s when I started to really feel it again. So I called my chiropractor and made an appointment for today. Once I left and got in my car I knew that this pain was only going to get worse.
I’m currently driving a rental car and my set of keys are at the body shop so I don’t have a house key. All I wanted to do is get home and lay down but I needed the house key so I had to stop by my dad’s store on the way. Once I got there I realized that I was supposed to get my X-rays from the hospital to take to the chiropractor, so I had to drive back downtown. That’s when I realized I’m in a lot of pain and had to make the difficult decision of going to Refresh tonight or not.
Since I missed Sunday I told myself I had to go today but my body was telling me no. But I felt extremely guilty and selfish for not going because of my pain. So I started to cry out to God and ask Him what I should do and that’s when I knew He was allowing me to take another day of rest. But instead of comfort I felt more guilt, I didn’t understand why God wouldn’t give me the strength to get better quickly enough to get back into ministry. I felt unworthy and undeserving and truly self-centered in taking time for myself when I should be at church.
Feeling really uneasy, discomfort and mixed emotions I was driving to the hospital to get the X-rays. That’s when I continued to express my frustration to God and in that moment He spoke to me the lyrics of the song “I am not alone” by Kari Jobe. I didn’t have it playing but randomly He started to speak the lyrics to me in the midst of my confusion.
That’s when I felt at peace and truly encountered His comfort. I am not alone. I have God who is there.
“I am not alone
I am not alone
You will go before me
You will never leave me”
I have a God who is here next to my side. A God that will never leave me and God who goes before me. He is my strength and in Him I trust. He has everything in control and I must just believe in that.
Just as God is there with me in this time I have amazing brothers and sisters too. I was able to reach out to our worship leader who was more than willing to take charge tonight in my place. And I also have amazing members of my ministry that are completely understanding. This again made me realize that I really am not alone. I have God and people of God around me to walk with. I don’t have to do anything alone.
I saw God today.