WHEN YOU DON’T WANT TO IS WHEN YOU NEED TO

Today was a cold, windy and rainy day. It was exactly the weather I dislike the most. Maybe the weather had some effects on my mood too because I was just not feeling it today. It’s been awhile since I’ve felt so overwhelmed and stressed about classes.

I have an exam tomorrow for my Bible Doctrines class. So after classes and lunch I went to a coffee shop to begin studying and that is when the overwhelming feelings started to come over me. I thought I was ready for this exam and didn’t really need to study but after looking at the study guide I realized there was much more to go over than expected.

I’ve had the professor for this class before and I know that his exams are pretty difficult. So I knew I needed to study pretty hard for this one. As soon as I began looking over my notes I kept on getting distracted and I felt so unmotivated to do anything. But I finally got myself to get more diligent but still i just felt stressed.
After a couple hours of studying I went home to eat dinner. Our weekly prayer meeting was at 7:30 at my youth pastor’s house tonight and I told myself I would go, but after studying and feeling these negative emotions I honestly really did not want to attend tonight.

I felt extremely unmotivated and had no desire in going to the prayer meeting. It was 7:15 and I still couldn’t get myself to go. All I could think about was the exam. I knew I still needed to study more and I felt like I needed to spend time studying instead of going. My parents could tell that I was stressed out and they suggested I should just stay home and rest a little and study instead of going to the prayer meeting.

But when my parents said that it triggered a thought in my head. I started to ask myself questions. Why don’t I want to go? Is it so I can study quicker and rest more? Would I really take advantage of my time not going? Would going to the prayer meeting really effect me negatively?

After asking myself these questions I decided last minute that I would go. I had this conviction in my heart that I needed to make time and spend time with God. No matter how busy I thought I was I needed to at least spend some moments with God.

So even though I really didn’t want to go, I went. And you know what? It was so worth it. It was so needed.

As soon as we entered into a time or worship I just felt this amazing sense of freedom. I was able to come before God and lay everything down. God lifted the heavy burdens from my shoulders and removed all distractions. He opened an opportunity for me to just gaze upon Him and nothing else. No longer did I feel overwhelmed from things of this world but rather I felt overwhelmed by His peace. God led me to this prayer meeting so I could just spend time with Him.

While worshipping and being in His presence I couldn’t help but shed tears. Honestly, tears of guilt and shame. I felt so convicted. I felt convicted that I thought other things were more important or of higher priority than spending time with Him. I felt convicted that I was thinking about everything but Him today.

I am so thankful that God gave me this opportunity to take a step back and see what was really important. To see how necessary it was for me to just take time and be in His loving presence. He gave me the revelation that in times like today when I feel overwhelmed by this world and feel unmotivated is when I really need to come before Him the. He revealed to me that when I don’t want to come to Him is when I need to come to Him the most.

I am so glad I went to the prayer meeting tonight. I had a fear that going tonight would lead to a loss of time to study, a loss of sleep and a loss of focus but instead I gained so much more. Yeah I do need to stay up studying later than expected since I went tonight, Yeah I will not be able to sleep as much, and Yeah I will probably be tired while studying. But ultimately, It was worth it.

Spending time with God is always worth it and always needed.

I saw God today.

Did you?

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