The start of my day was just like any other typical Monday. Woke up (barely) having not a drop of desire to get out of bed. Was dreading the drive to school and didn’t have any motivation what so ever for classes. Yes, it was one of those Monday’s.
I’m usually done by noon on Mondays but today out of all days I had to stay longer to do a partner exam. So after classes I went to the library to meet up with my partner to do the exam. Right when my partner got to the room she opened up her lunch and that is when I realized how hungry I was. I didn’t really have a legit dinner last night and no breakfast this morning and all I could think about while taking my exam was getting home and eating.
The exam took longer than expected. After over 2 hours we finally finished and I felt pretty good about it. Finally I was able to go home. So I left the library and as soon as I walked outside I had a smile on my face because the weather was just beautiful. I have a weak spot for sunshine.
So I get in my car and put my sunglasses on, open up the sunroof and was looking through my Spotify to see what playlist to turn on for my commute back home to keep this good mood going. Since it was a dreary day to that point I wanted something a little upbeat, especially since the weather was so nice.
After scrolling up and down through my music a couple times I decided to play my Christian Rap playlist that I haven’t listened to in a while. I’m not going to lie but for the longest time I had a very negative view on Christian Rap. I always thought it was super cheesy and honestly just weird.
But all my life I grew up listening to secular hip-hop. But ever since I accepted my calling I stopped listening to it because of the content. It wasn’t easy because I really like a good beat and some witty lyrics. So a year or two ago I spent days listening to various Christian rap artists in search of finding some things that I liked. It wasn’t easy but after some time I was able to make a playlist that matched my taste.
So today I decided to listen since it’s been awhile. While driving home the song “Death of Me” by Andy Mineo came on.
While I was listening a line was said that really caught my attention. So I rewinded a little bit and listened to it a couple times. The lyrics were:
“God, I’m sorry, I mean it
All I want to do is walk with you but
My priorities wrong, I talk about you more than I talk with you“
The last line really convicted me for some reason. After listening to it over and over again it had me in deep thought. Those words kind of define and display how I personally feel at the moment. His lyrics really hammered the nail on the head about my current situation.
I have been catching myself lately in this state where I definitely do find myself talking about God more than I actually talk to God myself. Being in ministry this has been one of my biggest struggles and it is a current struggle as well. I am always caught up in talking about God and sharing about Him but not taking enough time to spend moments with Him in my personal life.
In the beginning of the last line he says, “My priorities wrong”. That really had me evaluate myself and my priorities as well. Am I prioritizing ministry and other’s relationship with God over my own? To be brutally honest the answer to that question right now would be yes.
I am very thankful that God revealed these lyrics to me today. It was such an eye opener that helped me take a step back and look at myself. I am not in the place I want to be in my relationship with God but today I was able to figure out the place that I want to go. I want to be devoted to God in my personal life. I want to go to Him for my relationship with Him. I want to be able to talk to Him more than I talk about Him. I’m not saying talking about God is bad but what is important is to talk to Him first.
Like I wrote yesterday, I believe God is still doing His work on me. He is not near finished and will continue to mold me and refine me so I can grow. I am realizing that every day is an opportunity of growth. Everyday God has something to tell us to give us guidance in this journey. I am thankful.
I saw God today.