I was asked a couple weeks ago to speak at this gathering called Ujoy at The University of Cincinnati. I have given the message there twice before but for some reason whenever I get asked to speak there I get the tendency to not want to do it at all. But today God opened my eyes too these opportunities in the correct perspective.
So Ujoy is a Korean Christian gathering (campus ministry). It is a wonderful ministry that I believe God really does move through. But the reason I would get turned off everytime I’m asked to speak there is because of a fear that I have.
The fear is giving a sermon in Korean. Ujoy consists of mostly international Korean students therefore the whole service is usually directed in Korean. Which requires giving the sermon in Korean.
But for me Korean is my second language. I was born and raised in Cincinnati and I never learned Korean in an academic setting. I learned through just my family, friends, and Korean pop culture. Therefore speaking Korean in a formal setting has always been one my biggest fears.
I tend to become very anxious, nervous and extremely self conscious when I have to give sermons in Korean. Which never happens to me when I give the message in English. And to be honest this fear has always caused me to focus more on myself than focusing on God and Him moving in the message.
The last time I spoke at Ujoy went very well and I witnessed God moving even through my broken Korean. That experience gave me a confidence boost. But the thing is that was awhile ago. Therefore while preparing for tonight I faced all these negative emotions again.
But when I entered into the room and entered into a time of personal prayer God truly opened my eyes and had He me praying what I believe to be His heart.
I realized that my fears should not stand in the way of God doing His will. Those negative thoughts I had were all self-centered and I could not let that get in the way of being a vessel of God. Because in reality language is just a worldly thing but God’s heart is delivered in spirit not just words. And God reminded me that He has specifically called me to use me and speak through me to these people. Therefore I am to be thankful and humble and trust in Him. Not myself.
So before the message I really just offered my self to Him for His use. I prayed that I will be that broken vessel that I am and that He would have His way. And throughout the message I knew from the bottom of my heart it was not me speaking but my Father. And I believe His will was done tonight.
I believe that God is guiding me to overcome my fears. To realize that fears are just barriers and at the end of the day are just minuscule bumps that are possible to overcome.
Isn’t that what it means to go into deeper waters. Stepping out of my comfort zone, being led to the unknown where I have to fully trust in Him. Because there is no way I can do it on my own.
God is so good. I am truly thankful that He challenges me and proves to me that it is all Him and not me. What a blessing it is to be able to say I am commissioned by the almighty Father to be a part of His ministry.
I saw God today.